A few years back, I was stuck. I kept imagining I was beating a dead horse or being stuck in an eddy, circling and circling not able to get into the main flow of the river. The experience caused me to delve deeply into looking at the goals I had set for my self and what seemed to be holding me back.
Fear surfaced first, I had become afraid to move forward. I was afraid of the word no. I was afraid I was undeserving, I was afraid I would mess up, I was afraid I would be hurt. I sat in meditation and really looked at the truth of these fears. I allowed myself to feel the fear and watch it dissolve. I realized that often, the fear just dissolved. Which, in the end left me with a few questions. Like, what would happen if someone said no? Would I die? Were there any other options I could pursue if someone said no? Why was I any more or less deserving than anyone else? And if I hadn’t messed up too badly before, why was I worried about it now? After all, I am more experienced now. And finally, I confronted the fear of being hurt and wondered which hurt more, living stuck or fearing I might be hurt later. I decided I would try and take my chances.
The next thing that surfaced was blame. I began to see that I blamed others for my situation, for my fears and believed it was someone else’s fault I was in the situation I was in. I had a unfortunately dysfunctional childhood which left lots of wounds, and erroneous beliefs about my abilities, my strengths and weaknesses and whether I deserved a good life. While these beliefs were damaging, I discovered that I am in control now, and can make wiser choices–so I put the past in the past–and stopped blaming. There was nothing I could do to change the past, but plenty I could do in the future.
I believed I was unworthy. Deep wounds from my childhood came to the surface. I experienced anxiety and depression. I began to fear going out and yet I was lonely and wanted to be around others participating in life and commerce. Meditation and a strong spiritual community helped me to see that there is beauty and worthiness in everyone, no one is more worthy than another. It was just a stupid belief I could let go of.
I didn’t believe I had the resources to be successful. I figured that I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have–a whole list of things I needed to succeed. This is where things got really interesting. I began to inventory my resources and saw I had lots of stuff in my head and around me. I knew people I could ask. I could start by using what I have. Then, one day I saw a saying: “Start where you are, use what you have”. I smiled. I was no longer stuck. If I don’t know something, I make a point to find out. If I don’t have something I think I need, I look for ways to get it. If I need to learn something, I sit down and learn it. I ask for help.
I started moving forward. One step at a time. Establishing a vision as I went along. Amending it, learning more and amending more. Little by little, things have begun to gel. How have you gotten unstuck?