Middle Age Isn’t At All What I Thought

Until now, (and I’m 58 at this writing) I didn’t really give much thought as to what middle age would be like.  I’ve just tooled along in life, and suddenly find myself almost sixty!  (When did that happen?) I may be eight years late in this recognition, but I’ve always been a late bloomer.  Anyway, I’m nigh on 60, and let me just say, middle age isn’t at all what I thought it would be.

I figured my husband and I would be planning a happy retirement and life would be smooth sailing until we hit “old age” like age 90 or something.  Now that’s really old.  But that’s not at all what has happened.

My former husband and I talked a little about retirement, but it was usually around what he wanted to do.  He had it all planned out.  He’d sell our house, buy a small house on the beach, and spend his days paddle boarding and his nights jamming with his buddies.  (He played the drums in a rock and roll band, recreationally).  He even had a car picked out for himself.  A convertible Mustang.  It all sounded great… for someone else, but not me…

Because of our differences, I put off thinking about what our future would be like.  

One day I turned around and Brooke was a Freshman in high school!  When did that happen?  I was so busy working, being a mom and keeping all the plates spinning, I was literally shocked when I realized she’d soon be graduating high school.

Because I was so busy, I put off thinking about what life would be like when Brooke left home.

And then there was my work.  Because I ran and still run my own business, I could call the shots regarding whether to work, or retire, and where I wanted to put my attention.   I had built a nice small business, but things had changed considerably after the recession, and to be frank, I’d lost my mojo.  I knew, if I tried, I could get it back in time, but I really wanted to try something new.  I just didn’t know exactly what.

Because I still had projects on my desk, I put off thinking about what I might want to do and kept pursuing work that no longer excited me.  

Finally, there was my health.  Things weren’t terrible, I was up and around, but something had been wrong for many years, and no one seemed to be able to diagnose it.  Doctors came and went, most treating symptoms but not the underlying cause.  It was time to get serious and figure out what was going on.

Whether I liked it or not, life was changing, and I wasn’t completely prepared for it.  Strike that:  I wasn’t prepared at all for the changes building like storm clouds on the horizon.

My husband and I made the decision to end it after 25 years of marriage. I am a middle age divorcee.  

My daughter did go off to college.  

And I did start a new business:  this blog.  What a learning experience and adventure blogging has been.

I reconnected with all sorts of cool things such as my love of fashion and beauty.  I love crafting and DIY.  I let go of a few things, like cooking.  I used to be a good cook and loved the challenge, now…not so much.  I’m happy with a quick peanut butter sandwich!

When I was growing up, people in their sixties seemed so old (heck there was a time when I thought 30 seemed old!)  Adventure and change seemed long behind them.  They had grey hair, funny hairstyles and wrinkly skin, and couldn’t possibly enjoy romance.

I don’t have much grey hair yet, and a little wrinkly skin–I don’t look that much like an old person, though things have certainly changed.  Middle age turned out to be full of adventure, change, good times and bad, and even a little romance.  The thing most young people don’t really understand is that although our outsides have changed, and we’ve gained a vast amount of experience, our insides haven’t changed.  We still long for adventure, and experience life’s ups and downs.  We want to love and be loved, and a little romance is a good thing, every now and then…and I still love to shop and find cute things.

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