One Powerful Truth that Can Heal Your Past

Dear Readers, you may have noticed I didn’t post much last week. I realized that I had to stop and work on an issue that kept bubbling to the surface and, it seemed, would not let me move forward until I addressed it.

As some of you know, my former husband passed away two months ago. While others were reminiscing about the good times they had with him, I found myself remembering the hurt. The seemingly easy going, fun guy people knew socially was a very different man at home. I struggled with his indifference, general dissatisfaction and unexplained absences. I raised our daughter mostly alone. There was denial, on both our parts, until it could no longer be denied. He offered no apologies, remose, nor explanation.  He felt that while his behavior might not have been optimal, it was no different that what other guys do.

I had turned my head for twenty five years. I kept trying to make things the way they were when we started out together. In the end, I had to accept the fact that he was the way he was, and I couldn’t make him happy, I couldn’t make him want to spend time with us, and I couldn’t find a way to connect.

I thought I was over it, after the divorce, I thought I had let go of it all. Yet,  anger and hurt consumed me after his death. I was surprised to see that I was still looking for an explanation, for “closure” and for him to have shown some remorse.

I thought I’d find peace once the funeral was over. Weeks later, on Christmas Day, after  the kids left, the dam broke. I sat crying in Roger’s arms. I began to see that I needed to take time out to address what was going on within me; the anger had subsided but the pain just wasn’t going away.  It was so intense that I was poised to call a therapist. Before dialing however, I opened an inspirational e-mail.  In it was the following quote:

“When you surrender to what is and so become fully present, the past ceases to have any power.” Eckard Tolle, The Power of Now

That instant, I realized I had been living in the past. It has been two months since he passed away and a little over three years since we had our last “real” conversation, the day I asked him for a divorce. After his death, I had become so mired in remembering, I couldn’t enjoy the life and love surrounding me in the here and now.

After reading the quote, I recommitted myself to being present. I enjoyed a sunny day, a delightful lunch, alfresco with Roger. We walked along the waterside and took pictures in the park.  I was simply present for it.

Last night, I was finally able to say good bye. I said good bye to the man I married, the man he became and our past. I surrendered. I allowed myself to become fully present and began to experience the life that surrounds me right now. One secret to heal pain from past is very simply to surrender, and allow yourself to be present.

“When you surrender to what is and so become fully present, the past ceases to have any power.” Eckard Tolle, The Power of Now

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