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How to Turn on Your Inner Navigation System

08/27/2018 · In: Morning Musings

Nina From Sharing A Journey walking by ocean How to Turn on Your Inner Navigation System

I was 48, when Dr Jo told me I would be much happier, much more balanced, much more…everything good…if I shifted from seeking external validation to connecting with my inner navigation system —or, more clinically: a system of internal validation.  Sounds like an easy shift right?  It seemed pretty strait forward to Dr. Jo too, apparently.  I, on the other hand was a bit perplexed.

First, I had to become aware of the fact that I actually sought external validation to navigate life.  To be frank, I didn’t know there was such a thing!  Even with my HUGE library of self help books and all the psychology courses I took, I completely spaced on the subject of validation. 

I cared deeply about what was going on with the people around me and could easily be pulled off track by others and their agendas.  If someone didn’t like what I was doing, I would become very worried and upset, and would even walk away from things that would have been very good for me, just so others wouldn’t be displeased.

People who seek external validation prefer or need others to tell them they are good enough, on the right track, and doing the right things.  We women tend to seek external validation; we care about what others think of us, and can be hyper aware of what’s going on around us.  We will often make our decisions based on what our tribe thinks rather than what’s best for ourselves.  The tribe doesn’t always have our best interests at heart and sometimes pile on to prevent one of the tribe members to grow or do something new and different.  When this happens, ultimately, the whole tribe suffers.  

Those who who are guided by internal validation tend to be introspective, and self directed.  I have a few friends who are very strongly self directed, and  up until now, they were a complete mystery to me.  I simply couldn’t wrap my head around how they operated.  They were comfortable with their independence, and comfortable being on the outside of the crowd, which terrified me.  Most interestingly, they were happier, more centered and much more successful than my friends and I.

“I want me some of that for sure!”  I thought, after my chat with Dr. Jo.  Though I have to say, making the shift  it wasn’t an overnight thing.  As I worked through various conflicts, and turned to meditation, little by little, I began to find and hear my inner voice.  The more I listened, the more I began to trust it and the more my life seemed to fall in line.  Life seemed to “work” in ways it had never worked before.  

I began to see that when I listened to others and sought their approval, I was buffeted around like a rudderless ship.  My former husband was notorious—he was one I could never make happy; he always wanted something different than what he had.  Learning that some people are never happy, others change their minds frequently, and still others are down right dangerous, I began to realize how important it was to learn to trust myself.

I learned that life isn’t a zero sum game, that there is enough for everyone, and that our growing and trying new things, our desire to put our own unique mark on this world is a good thing for all of us.  When one grows, we all grow.

The more time I spent in prayer and meditation, the more my sense of internal direction grew,  and the more clear I became in knowing what I wanted for my life and gathered the courage to pursue it.  

While I was in Yoga Teacher Training a few years ago, we were asked to adopt the lifestyle and teachings of the Yogi, which included a change of diet and personal care—some of which I was comfortable with, other parts I was not.  I turned to my close and very self directed friend, Michelle for her thoughts.  “Listen to yourself…listen to your body…” she advised.  “Note what your body is calling for and do that.”  I took her advice.  

Being a part of a tribe can be a wonderful thing. Holding our own heart sovereign and following its gentle call to add your unique value to this world is our soul’s calling.

By: Nina · In: Morning Musings · Tagged: #self care, healing, life after 50

About Nina

Sharing A Journey is an award winning blog for women "of a certain age" who love life and style with a little inspiration mixed in. The blog and it's author Nina Anders has been featured in notable publications including Forbes, Next Avenue, Thrive Global and Parade. Photos by RSEsteyphotography Let's do midlife together!

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Comments

  1. Hilda Smith says

    08/29/2018 at 3:33 AM

    Yes we have the power within ourselves to be happy. I am off out for a walk now and will appreciate the lovely scenery and beautiful day. It is the little things. Having said that I intend to try meditation and give yoga classes another go…

    Reply
  2. Ada says

    08/29/2018 at 2:03 PM

    Your posts are always so thoughtful and beautifully-written. Well done Nina. We all have the power to inner peace, joy and happiness. 😉

    Meanwhile, welcome by and linkup with me (I have a new monthly Tuesday linkup, below) and as usual stop by tomorrow for my weekly Thursday Moda! Thanks.

    http://eleganceandmommyhood.blogspot.com/2018/08/brand-new-skirting-rules-linkup-baby.html

    Reply
  3. Maria | Passion fruit, Paws and Peonies says

    08/30/2018 at 8:46 AM

    Wonderfully written and very interesting. I have lived without expecting external validation for all my life and when I was young and often outside the crowd I worried there was something wrong with me. But I refused to conform. Now I see it as a strength. Thanks for writing this xx

    Reply

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2025 is my year for a Glo Up starting with my skin 2025 is my year for a Glo Up starting with my skin care routine. I just started using the ZIIP Halo on my 65 year old skin.  Cant wait to see the results. #livingmybestlife #over60andfabulous #over50model #over65skincare @ziipbeauty
This week’s mini adventures had us in one of my This week’s mini adventures had us in one of my favorite spots-Dunedin Florida. We went for coffee and croissants at @dunedincoffeecompany where they have amazing coffee and a real in house bakery. Every so often the baker comes through with delicious creations right from the ovens. We went for some design inspiration @lrhome their shop never disappoints then on to the book shop. That made us hungry so we had to go to  @casatinas. How could you not?#livingmybestlife #over60andfabulous #over50womenoninstagram #over50style #outfitoftheday #over50model
I've been making a point to spend a lot less time I've been making a point to spend a lot less time on screens this year. It's been amazing how much free time I have to enjoy new hobbies and spending time with friends and family. I even tried my hand at painting with a Time For Art kit and actually made this sweet dolphin painting. I was surprised how easy it was even for someone like me who has very little painting experience. I loved how the kits came with everything I needed to make the painting, and I when I needed help, I watched a video on the Time for Art website. I thought it would be fun to host some friends for a girls painting night, invitations are in the mail--plus it would make a perfect gift. Be sure to check out @timeforartlive--I will link all their info in my link tree.
For the next 65 Days I am challenging myself to ch For the next 65 Days I am challenging myself to change a few bad habits and prioritize health, friendships and activities that enhance happiness and creativity.  I am looking forward to going into 65 and beyond healthier and happier than ever before. I hope you’ll join me over the next 65 days by choosing something you’d like to improve or a habit you’d like to break and see where it leads. #over50womenoninstagram #over60andfabulous #livingmybestlife
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