The Empty Nest Holiday: How To Find Joy In Change

It’s November First already.  You are probably sitting there drinking your coffee feeling the same sense of shock.  You have a full day ahead.  Heck a full month…wait…two months ahead.  So, let’s put those Halloween decorations away and get cracking.

Now that I have your adrenaline pumping, perhaps you even took a huge gulp of coffee as you consider the months ahead and maybe you aren’t liking me for reminding  you of the holidays just now. Bear with me, I have some news.  I’ve been thinking of you.  Some of you are looking at a very busy season of travel and holiday hosting, while others will be looking ahead to the quiet of a newly empty nest.

During Brooke’s growing up years, the holidays were bustling.  From fall festivals, and Halloween to Thanksgiving and weekly holiday parties, my logistical skills were tested to the max. It was a whirl wind of fun and I loved every minute of it.

I wasn’t prepared for the abrupt crash I would experience as Brooke hit the last three years of high school, and now year three of college.  The holiday season has changed considerably.

My former husband and I were divorced just prior to Brooke’s sophomore year in high school. She and I celebrated Christmas in our new villa (aka the casa) just as we always had, and then she spent a week with her father.  Her absence that second week of Christmas felt so empty; but I was glad to have celebrated Christmas Day with her. 

Then there was the year that Brooke was too cool for everything.  She didn’t accompany me to my friend’s gingerbread party, our annual kickoff of the holiday season, we didn’t make cookies together, nor did we watch holiday movies.  Matching or complementary Christmas p.j.’s were out too.  We celebrated around the schedule the family of her boyfriend.  It’s a normal part of growing up apparently, but it till hurt.

A year later, Brooke’s father passed away suddenly, just days before Halloween. We went through the holidays with hollow eyes and sad hearts; having navigated a range of family issues, and estate logistics.

Now there is Roger and me.  We’ve been together for around five years now.  We are both from the north, and miss a snowy Christmas, and as a new couple, we are creating our own set of traditions and things to look forward to during the holidays.  I am thrilled that he loves the house decorated for Christmas and doesn’t mind my going a little over the top during this time of year.

I share this so you can see just how much the holiday season has changed in my life,  and perhaps take solace in the fact that I survived the difficult times but that we are now on a happy footing once again. Naturally, Brooke is older now, and has passed though her teen rebellion, and we agreed that, while it’s ok to miss her father, he would want us to celebrate, live life fully, and to put the past behind us.

We have adopted new traditions, I’ve learned to go with the flow, and we make a point of celebrating together when ever and how ever we can. This year we are planning to visit her and see her new apartment over the holidays.

With a little planning and setting our intention to be joyful, we can create a perfect holiday, no matter whether it’s just you (been here done that), or whether you are expecting a full house. If you have experienced loss or a set back, it is my hope that this will let you know that time heals our wounds. We went through the motions during those difficult times, and that time has breathed light and love into our home once again.

I have made a guide to share some thoughts this season. It’s my first one, so I plan to build on it year to year.  You can receive it by becoming a newsletter subscriber, and if you are already a subscriber, you have already gotten yours sent directly to your inbox. Click Here to get your guide.

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