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What To Learn From Envy

04/03/2019 · In: Inspiration, Lifestyle

Nina from Sharing A Journey on envy wearing blue top white pants

Confession:  I used to be envious of my younger sister.  And some of my girl friends.  And that blond at the gym with the perfect bod, you know, the one all the guys swooned over.

My sister was my grandmother’s and mother’s favorite.  As we hail from Scandinavian roots, blond hair and blue eyes are highly prized, and wouldn’t you know it, my sister had light blond hair, and crystal blue eyes. 

My coloring always seemed muddy and nondescript.   My eyes are neither green nor blue, and my hair was often described as “dirty dishwater” or “mousy” blond. 

My sister excelled in math and science and had her heart set on becoming a dentist, while I was a creative dreamer who wanted to be a fairy princess.  You can imagine which of us my parents were most proud of.

My sister was highly competitive, and placed a premium on being the best at what ever she set her hand to. Naturally, she was in the Honor Society, first chair violin, and hung out with all the top achievers in school.  She was very clear about what she wanted and would stop at nothing to get it. 

Woman wearing white Pants Blue flowered top

Let’s just say, I took a different path…

For a long time, I wallowed in self-pity.  I was angry with the cards the universe had dealt me: I was painfully thin, mousy haired, and while bright, I was considered an underachiever.  I wanted the wonderful juicy things life had to offer,  and yet the choices I continuously made lead me every where but where I wanted to go.  I didn’t believe I was worthy of the good stuff, nor did I know how to go about bringing good things into my life.  I was both baffled and envious of those who seemed to have it together; the beautiful, the sought after, the accomplished.

It just wasn’t fair!

There was a part of me that gave up trying, a part of me that felt helpless and lost.  There was another part that continued struggling and attempting to forage ahead. And of course there was the part that was filled with envy.

Facing the truth:

I’m not my sister.  I’m not that sexy bombshell at the gym.  And I’m not my girlfriends either.  Trying to create a carbon copy of what they had for myself had me constantly comparing, constantly looking for the next thing, and constantly dissatisfied with myself.

A Choice:

It began to occur to me that competing was a waste of time, and comparing was making me crazy because there was always someone who seemed “better”.   I needed to change my perspective, to get real about what was going on with me.  

I realized I could focus on developing my own unique skills, and create my own version of an ideal life or I could continue to try to compete, live beyond my means and never never feel satisfied.  I began to focus on my uniqueness, uncovering what I am good at and what I wanted in my life, rather than copying someone else’s.

Getting real:

Some say there are two kinds of envy, one looks at another and is inspired, awed, and expanded, the other, researchers call “malicious envy” in which one looks to the accomplishments of another with ill will and a desire to destroy.

If we are honest, we have experienced both sides of malicious envy; we’ve been the giver and the receiver.  We all know it feels positively horrible, and we may hate to admit that within us is such darkness.  We also know that within our most intense and unpleasant parts come the greatest opportunities.

Woman holding tree branch wearing white floral top

“Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine brighter.”  Old saying.

As always, I started asking myself a few questions, and digging a bit deeper.

  1. I worked on stopping comparing myself to others.  My sister (and absolutely everyone else) and I are very different.  Although my sister and I grew up in the same house, we have different ways of being in the world, and different gifts to bring forth.    
  2. I worked on figuring out what my own version of success and living my best life are in this moment with the resources I currently possess.
  3. I worked on finding joy in my current life and gratitude for the good things I enjoy in my life.  
  4. I work on brining in more good things, and continue to guide myself forward to have more of what I want, and to give more of the best of myself to the world.

Envy holds within it huge valuable lessons.

If your life isn’t optimal and you find yourself envious of others, fret not, it can actually be a good thing. Unlock the secrets your envy is trying to convey and set a course to creating the life you want to live.  I’ve created a free worksheet with probing questions to help you see the messages your envy is trying to express, tips and resources to guide you to living  envy free.   

If you are struggling with envy and want to turn things around, down load the Harnessing Envy workbook. You will also get our weekly updates here.

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By: Nina · In: Inspiration, Lifestyle · Tagged: envy, life over 50, self improvement

About Nina

Sharing A Journey is an award winning blog for women "of a certain age" who love life and style with a little inspiration mixed in. The blog and it's author Nina Anders has been featured in notable publications including Forbes, Next Avenue, Thrive Global and Parade. Photos by RSEsteyphotography Let's do midlife together!

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Comments

  1. mireille says

    04/03/2019 at 6:54 AM

    [* Shield plugin marked this comment as “trash”. Reason: Failed GASP Bot Filter Test (checkbox) *]
    This was a great post! I also tell myself and my friends that what we see of others is just a glimpse of their real life. Just like on Instagram where we see all the beautiful pictures but not much of the ugly ones, there is more than meets the eye.
    http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com

    Reply
    • Nina says

      05/09/2019 at 7:32 PM

      So true! I’m glad you loved the piece, it was from the heart.

      Reply
  2. [email protected] says

    01/06/2020 at 9:30 AM

    SHARING ON THE WEEKEND EDIT THIS SATURDAY! HAPPY NATIONAL MONDAY DAY!

    Reply
  3. [email protected] says

    01/06/2020 at 9:31 AM

    sharing this post on Envy on the weekend edit this Saturday. following from colorado! laura

    Reply
  4. [email protected] says

    01/06/2020 at 9:32 AM

    Sharing this post on the weekend edit on saturday! following from colorado

    Reply

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2025 is my year for a Glo Up starting with my skin 2025 is my year for a Glo Up starting with my skin care routine. I just started using the ZIIP Halo on my 65 year old skin.  Cant wait to see the results. #livingmybestlife #over60andfabulous #over50model #over65skincare @ziipbeauty
This week’s mini adventures had us in one of my This week’s mini adventures had us in one of my favorite spots-Dunedin Florida. We went for coffee and croissants at @dunedincoffeecompany where they have amazing coffee and a real in house bakery. Every so often the baker comes through with delicious creations right from the ovens. We went for some design inspiration @lrhome their shop never disappoints then on to the book shop. That made us hungry so we had to go to  @casatinas. How could you not?#livingmybestlife #over60andfabulous #over50womenoninstagram #over50style #outfitoftheday #over50model
I've been making a point to spend a lot less time I've been making a point to spend a lot less time on screens this year. It's been amazing how much free time I have to enjoy new hobbies and spending time with friends and family. I even tried my hand at painting with a Time For Art kit and actually made this sweet dolphin painting. I was surprised how easy it was even for someone like me who has very little painting experience. I loved how the kits came with everything I needed to make the painting, and I when I needed help, I watched a video on the Time for Art website. I thought it would be fun to host some friends for a girls painting night, invitations are in the mail--plus it would make a perfect gift. Be sure to check out @timeforartlive--I will link all their info in my link tree.
For the next 65 Days I am challenging myself to ch For the next 65 Days I am challenging myself to change a few bad habits and prioritize health, friendships and activities that enhance happiness and creativity.  I am looking forward to going into 65 and beyond healthier and happier than ever before. I hope you’ll join me over the next 65 days by choosing something you’d like to improve or a habit you’d like to break and see where it leads. #over50womenoninstagram #over60andfabulous #livingmybestlife
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