Three Days to 60

With my birthday just days away, I’m feeling a bit  anxious about turning sixty.  The big 6-0.  

I was fine turning 50, just disappointed that I didn’t have a celebration. The same thing when I turned 55.  I was married at the time, and we didn’t celebrate my birthday, not because I didn’t want to, but because he didn’t. I was a different woman back then. I allowed things like that.

This year, Roger’s already made plans for my birthday and one of my girl friends has reached out to plan a get together.  And, I think I might be getting a very special gift this year. So those are a few things to be excited for, right?  I’m healthy, I’m loved.  I have an amazing daugther.  I have an amazing ice dance partner and boyfriend, I write this blog and my consulting business is busy, all of which bring me joy. I am grateful that I learned to open myself to change and to take some of the risks I took to bring me to this place.

None the less, sixty seems old, even though I don’t feel old.  

It’s hard to shake off the fact that my grand parents with the exception of one, passed away in their late sixties and early seventies.  My older friends are a mix of super healthy and going strong types. Others are beginning to have serious health problems and are slowing down significantly.  Some have passed away already.

It didn’t help when an acquaintance quipped “You’re actually not middle age any more unless you live to be 120” just as I had gotten used to considering myself middle aged.

I felt really old when I considered the fact that I’m not really in middle age any more. I’ve been noticing changes in my body recently too.  It’s a little slower to recover, I don’t feel quite as strong, and to say my skin is lacking elasticity is a major understatement. It’s almost a whole size too big.    

And there is how I look.  I used to ask “Who am I now?” when I experienced major transitions in my life like graduating high school, getting married, and becoming a mother. An aging appearance never entered the equasion.  Now I ask “Who is this?” when I look in the mirror and wonder what I can do to slow the hands of time.

No matter how we look on the outside, we are still the same on the inside.

But I am still the same on the inside; it’s just the outside that has changed. We all say that. My heart, my soul, who I am has mellowed, and softened like the Velveteen Rabbit, so there’s that. Even though I am having a moment with this sixty thing, I am hopeful. I am excited for the future, and am grateful for the blessings, healing, learning and growth I’ve experienced in my life so far.

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