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How to Be the Ideal Wedding Guest and Live to Tell of It

06/07/2019 · In: Lifestyle, Special Occasion

Nina from Sharing A journey in Green floral dress. How to be the perfect wedding guest

The Perfect Wedding Guest

One joy of our early spring mail box is receiving thick velum envelopes, curly calligraphy scrolling it’s way across the front; which can only mean one thing;  we’re invited to a wedding, or several, depending on the year.  I love the buttery feel of good paper, and opening the series of envelopes that lead the invitation. I, for one, am glad wedding invitations are still sent by mail, at least for now.

White wedding guest Invitation

Today’s weddings range from ultra simple to elaborate; vows are exchanged before guests and an officiant as always, but every other detail is up to the bride and groom.

Weddings are held on beaches, in old barns, remote castles and in trendy wine bars.  Couples exchange vows underwater and skydiving from planes.  

Bouquets of flowers lining wedding aisle

Bridal gowns are no longer confined to white and ivory; a bride may choose any color, pattern, length or style that suits her fancy.  As a matter of fact, she may change as many as three times during her special day. 

Ceremonies and receptions are full of thoughtful surprises and new traditions…which leads guests to wonder…what to wear, what to give, and what to expect of the modern wedding.

Nina from Sharing A Journey pink floral dress

The Perfect Gift

Shortly after engagement, modern couples set up wedding websites which often include a registry.  Guests are given links to the website either in the invitation or via email.  Bridal websites are a great opportunity to learn more about the couple and their families as they share photos, ‘how they met’ stories, bits about the family and wedding party.  They often contain a registry with shopping links so you can make purchases and have them sent to the couple.  You may even get some clues as to what to expect at the wedding, such as it’s theme, additional events, things to do in the area, maps to the venue and, if you are lucky, the dress code.

Woman wearing blue floral dress and tan heels

One may not necessarily find requests for silver, china and crystal on the registry, however.  Instead, couples may ask for “experiences” such as trips, dining, or other activities.  They may ask that funds be donated to charity, or toward a single big ticket item such as a piece of furniture or toward a down payment on a home.  

Grooms add items to the registry these days, and may ask for lawn equipment, tools, sporting goods, and camping gear.  And while it was considered very poor taste for a couple to directly request cash, some of today’s couples do.  In researching this post, I found several articles advising couples that, while it may be frowned upon by some, asking for cash is acceptable.

Middle aged woman wearing a green floral dress
P

Perfect Timing

Back in the day, we were in good stead if we sent gifts to the wedded couple within a year of the nuptials, however, with the speed of the internet today’s couples expect to receive gifts before or within a few months of the wedding.

wedding guest

We can still take the gift to the wedding though, right?  You shouldn’t, say today’s wedding planners.  Since ordering gifts and having them sent to the bride and groom directly is so simple, and dealing with gifts after the wedding can lead to complications, it’s best to send the gift ahead rather than taking it to the wedding. 

The Perfect Outfit

A stylish guest will  have one simple question.  What should she wear?  One wedding can be  held on in a rustic barn, another in a chic loft.  Unfortunately, clues such as black tie, or dressy casual aren’t always provided in today’s invitations.  You may find the information on the wedding’s website, otherwise, it’s best to call and ask.  Don’t assume that a barn wedding will be casual, sometimes the combination of formal and rustic is what the bride is going for.  As always, a stylish woman wears the appropriate outfit for the occasion and would at all costs avoid choosing a color or style that mimics the bridal party or competes with the bride on her special day.

The Perfect Etiquette: 

It’s still considered impolite to ask the bride if you can bring additional guests including children.  However “plus one” can include a non married partner according to today’s etiquette experts.  

Having a drink too many, taking a bottle from the bar on the way out, or sneaking alcohol to a dry event is still frowned upon, as are sexual improprieties with the groom or any other married guest.   I know my Dear Readers already know this particular bit of information, but shockingly, these things still seem to happen with some regularity in spite of the rather unpleasant effect it can have on an otherwise delightful wedding.

Personal conflicts should be left at the door as well.  Seeing one’s ex with his overt new “friend” can cause one to see red, but it’s far classier to behave like a lady you are and key his Lamborghini on the way out rather than causing a scene on the happy couple’s special day.   In seriousness, having known of  couples who delayed getting married for years because they feared the scene their parents or friends would make at the wedding, I beseech you to put grievances aside for the day.

The Perfect Guest

Today’s ceremonies and receptions range from simple minimalist chic to elaborate week long events, so sit back, purchase the gift with the click of your bedazzled mouse, wear an amazing outfit, and enjoy. 

Mature Style: Summer Shapewear for Women Over 50

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By: Nina · In: Lifestyle, Special Occasion · Tagged: etiquette, life over 50, weddings

About Nina

Sharing A Journey is an award winning blog for women "of a certain age" who love life and style with a little inspiration mixed in. The blog and it's author Nina Anders has been featured in notable publications including Forbes, Next Avenue, Thrive Global and Parade. Photos by RSEsteyphotography Let's do midlife together!

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Comments

  1. Amy Johnson says

    06/07/2019 at 8:24 AM

    I wish more people would read up on wedding etiquette. For my daughters wedding we had limited space because it was held in our home. We addressed invitations only to the married couple yet we still had 3 couples ask if they could bring their kids. One family had 5 children! It was so awkward.

    Reply
  2. Julie | This Main Line Life says

    06/07/2019 at 8:35 AM

    Great outfits. Love that light blue and whit floral.

    Reply
  3. Kellyann Rohr says

    06/07/2019 at 2:23 PM

    These dresses are all stunning on you Nina!
    xo,
    Kellyann

    Reply
  4. Shelbee on the Edge says

    06/08/2019 at 6:43 AM

    Nina, that was a fun post to read with lots of great information. Things have definitely changed drastically since my first wedding over 20 years ago. We did the big elaborate ceremony with the china, silver, and crystal on the registry. All of which was never used in the short 2.5 years that we stayed married. Such a waste, in my opinion. My second wedding was the exact opposite…casual at a lake and potluck style! My only request for gifts was that the guests bring a dish of food or a bottle of booze. In the end, we had the best party ever! Sure, we were totally unconventional about it, but the guests seemed to appreciate that they could wear what was in their closets and spend no more than $10 on the wedding gift if they so chose! By the way, you look so beautiful in all of these wedding outfits!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    Reply
  5. Mica says

    06/09/2019 at 7:12 AM

    [* Shield plugin marked this comment as “trash”. Reason: Failed GASP Bot Filter Test (checkbox) *]
    What lovely wedding guest outfits! 🙂

    We always do cash as a wedding gift, so many people are already established and in a house and don’t need more stuff! It’s an easy option you know they can use when there is no gift registry too – I don’t like going empty handed even if they say they don’t need a gift!

    Hope that you are having a great weekend! We had our son’s birthday party yesterday, it was loud but fun 🙂

    http://awayfromtheblue.blogspot.com

    Reply
  6. Chrissy says

    06/10/2019 at 5:16 PM

    Great post Nina! You’re right…the wedding gifts are so different these days. Love the dresses!

    Reply
  7. Jean | Delightful Repast says

    06/11/2019 at 10:48 AM

    [* Shield plugin marked this comment as “trash”. Reason: Failed GASP Bot Filter Test (checkbox) *]
    Nina, I loved this post. There is nothing worse than behaving badly at a wedding, and yet so many people do it. I’ve seen it all, from shockingly inappropriate attire to all the many ways people who drink too much misbehave. #SpreadTheKindness

    Reply
  8. Jean | Delightful Repast says

    06/11/2019 at 10:50 AM

    [* Shield plugin marked this comment as “trash”. Reason: Failed GASP Bot Filter Test (checkbox) *]
    Not sure comment went through. Figuring out your spam filter.

    Reply
  9. Cindy says

    06/06/2023 at 12:35 PM

    where did you find the blue and white floral dress? It’s really pretty

    Reply
    • Nina says

      06/06/2023 at 6:01 PM

      Thank you so much! The dress is old, I got it from Boston Proper–in fact all of the dresses in the post were from there. They often have really pretty dresses and swimsuits.

      Reply

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