Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt

There’s a lot to be said for helping others.  It helps them move forward, get unstuck, and frees up their time so they can do more.  Sometimes they are sick, or have their hands full taking care of someone else and they really need a helping hand.  We all do.  

It’s important for us to help each other…within reason.  “Within reason” is the part we often over look, as do some of our friends and associates who ask us for help.  And, if you are a super helper type like me, its  easy to jump in and help others while letting your own projects and priorities take a side line.  We take on too much, we get burned out and feel terrible that we don’t seem to get anything done, yet we feel even more terrible saying no.

So, what gives?  Why do we have so much trouble prioritizing our projects and activities first?  

1. We think we can do it all:  I am pretty good at multi-tasking, at least I think I am…so why not add a friend’s project or errand to the mix?  Only, gosh, their little errand or project turns out to be way bigger and more time consuming than I realized.  
2. We don’t realize how many little things we’ve taken on until we are completely over-loaded.  We say yes to walking our friend’s dog, and yes to grabbing an extra milk while we are at the grocery store…but then we have to drop it off and chat a bit while we are at it.  Our day is frittered away doing lots of little extras.
3. We feel guilty saying no.  End of.
4. We believe other people’s agendas and projects are more important than our own.  
5. And, maybe we just have poor time managment skills, there’s always that.

Prioritizing our own projects and lives first is something we super helpers talk a lot about, but don’t really know how to do in real time.  We read articles about it, and tell people we want to do it, but when a new ask comes our way, we are quick to say yes.  So, here are a few things to think about and do:

1. List your major goals and any projects you really want or need to complete.  Work projects, strategies that will help you level up, things you really need and want to do.
2. Do a brain dump.  List all the stuff on your plate…and then just look at it.  What do you see?  Lot’s of little non-productive errands and low priority to-do’s?  How many of your “to dos” are things others have asked you to do?  How many of them contribute directly to the goals you’ve listed or are directly linked to getting you closer to your ideal life?
3. Evaluate the projects you are involved in.  What is the return on your investment.  We often think of return on investment in financial terms, we forget that we can always get more money, but we can’t get more time.
4. And speaking of time, just sit back and think about it for a second.  We can’t get time back.  We don’t get hours and days wasted back, so how do you really want to spend your time?

Now that we’ve had this little come to Jesus, are there any glaring items on your list that need to be eliminated?  Are there any projects you need to release?  

That brings up the next step, either finishing off and closing out any project you have in progress for someone else, or bow out.  I frankly prefer bowing out, and for the most part, I’ve stopped feeling guilty.  I had one friend who was notorious for needing one thing after another.  Just when I thought we were out of the woods, something else would crop up.  I finally cut the cord, and guess what, she found someone else to help, they always do.  In the future, you can just say no up front.  

So now that we’ve freed up a bunch of time and lightened our stress loads, it’s time to consider how to actually use the time we just opened up for our selves.  Here are a few systems to try:

1. Brain Dump:  I brain dump every few days, especially when I am in the thick of a project.  I then prioritize the list, group small easy items together, such as bill paying, and thank you note writing, and fit them in around my larger goals.  
2. Time blocking:  Looking at your calendar in one hour segments, you simply schedule your major priorities in one, two or three block sessions.  For example:  I block out three blocks for writing blog posts in rough draft form.  I set another block for editing and another for laying out my post in WordPress.
3. Group easy, lower priority, or tasks requiring small amounts of time into one block. For example, bill paying, and answering emails can be grouped together.
4. Batch your work.  Write a bunch of rough drafts in one series of blocks, edit them all in another block.
5. I often schedule household chores for breaks because they get me up from my desk and moving around a bit, before settling down for more focused work.
6. Schedule your to-do list tasks into your calendar.  If I have a bunch of little to-dos I just do them, but if I have bigger projects I schedule them right into my calendar. 

Oh, and don’t forget to schedule some down time and fun while you are at it.  When you have that all worked out, then consider whether you have the time, energy and bandwidth more, and which items need to take priority.  Clearly, family and especially our kids if they are still home are a priority.  Baking cookies from scratch to cover for someone else should be way down on your list.

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